


My Feelings for you

by ChrisRedfield13



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Character Death Fix, Chris has PTSD, Dive Into The Heart (Kingdom Hearts), Every problem has its solution, F/M, Hope, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Resident Evil 6, Pre-Resident Evil 6, Sad Ending, good ending, heart's place, new ending, reference to Persona 5, the protagonist has a palace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisRedfield13/pseuds/ChrisRedfield13
Summary: Since that month in 2009 (I've decided July for myself) and this fateful encounter with Piers, Chris thought of his life as a "good one" even with the horrific experiences he went through.Unable to tell his feelings to his A.T.L, he has paid the full price during the mission in Edonia and China.Is there any hope left in order to save the legendary hero or will he truly die ?
Relationships: Carlos Oliveira/Jill Valentine, Leon S. Kennedy/Claire Redfield, Piers Nivans/Chris Redfield, Sherry Birkin/Jake Muller, Sheva Alomar/Josh Stone
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	1. July 2009 to July 2013

**Author's Note:**

> Phiou.....finally back in the sweet world of fanfictions and especially the world of my favorite duet. A lot have happened since my last production but here I am now with enough time to continue to write.  
> As usual, English is not my mother tongue so I hope you'll forgive my eventual mistakes and kudos and commentaries will help me progress at a good pace.

My feelings for you – Chris Redfield x Piers Nivans

Chapter 1 - July 2009 to July 2013

I’ve been told, a lot of times, that whenever I had something or someone precious to me, I should hold it to me dearly for we don’t know when we’re going to lose it. After all, there is always a time when we lose these precious things…However, when we lose them, it’s definitely painful.  
I can talk about it because I’ve been one of these persons who lost precious things, precious people and took these loses badly.

My story began in July 2009 after coming home from my mission in Africa. Back then, the simple fact of losing my partner but also my best friend Jill was hard for me. To find her alive but brainwashed because of Wesker did make a tool on me and then when Wesker died by my hands, I knew that a part of my heart was meant to be fractured forever.

Fractured because of my unconditional love for him. Fractured because of the betrayal I’ve suffered from him for so many years. Yet, on that month of the year 2009, I was once again of American’s soil and more precisely in the BSAA’s headquarters in Washington D.C making my report about the mission. In other words, doing my job like nothing wrong had happened…

During that month, I, Chris Redfield or should I say the one they categorized as a legendary hero, was supposed to be on some kind of vacation somewhat in order to rest after the traumatism I’ve been suffering from since my return from Africa. But before that, I was given one last mission, one last task.

I had to go to a training camp in Texas and look at the new recruits to see, to gauge if there are one or more than one soldier who had what it takes to join the BSAA if they wanted to join it of course…

19th July 2009 – Texas Military Camp  
Another day in the hot scorching sun burning on us in Texas. Though I’ve just come back from Africa it seemed that I was still unable to handle too much heat. But since I came all the way here for a mission, I had to make sure that I did everything I could to make sure that this mission was a success meaning that I had to find new members for the BSAA.  
I was walking through the entire base with the captain of this camp until he showed me the training grounds with the shooting ranges. I was interested in visiting both but the sound of firearms on targets decided for me. I had to go to the shooting ranges before the training grounds.

And that’s when I saw him for the first time never knowing that he would become so important for me, never knowing that my heart would desire him so much…  
A young man wearing a military tank top and a green beret was shooting at targets which were at more than 200 meters of distance with an anti-tank sniper with such precision that it could be considered as deadly. Plus, that weapon is known for the recoils it generates for the soldiers who use it and yet this young man wasn’t having any of it…

It was simply a breathtaking view… I, Chris Redfield, was at a loss of word with my mouth completely wide open when I was watching that young man shooting the heart of every target with this sniper. Thus, the only choice that was left within me was to ask the commander of this camp about information of this young man.  
The commander, who for some reasons was impressed for my keen eye, pushed a button on the wall and the training room went from a desert to a simple room. All along, I didn’t notice that this camp had the latest technology concerning simulators since I really thought that we’re in the middle of the desert.

But that… let’s just say that I didn’t say it loud for I didn’t want the commander nor the soldier, for who I had my eyes on, thinking that I wasn’t able to notice something so simple…  
And so, when the simulation ended, the young soldier took the earmuffs off his head and turned to face us. His face was showing what could be described as a shock before regaining composure quickly with a smile that had my heart beating so fast…

I couldn’t control the beating of my heart but I made sure to keep myself as the most professional recruiter possible I could be. And thus, with the commander by my side, we went meeting that young soldier who took great care of his sniper and tried to be presentable just for me.  
Arrived at his side, the commander introduced him to me as Piers Nivans, the ace of this camp in Texas. For some reason this young man was smiling but had his beautiful young face reddening too. Back then, I was already charmed by this young man even though my priority wasn’t to find for myself a match but recruits for the BSAA.

I was about to introduce myself when he politely stopped me in order to tell me that he knows “a lot” about myself starting with my name and last name but also the organization that I have participated in its foundation and its motives. Damn that young man made it like I was some kind of open book and I was impressed, definitely impressed.  
After he finished showing me that I was an open book for him, the only one thing left to do was to tell him the reason of my visit here. And without no surprises, he directly agreed to join the BSAA because I was his “hero”.  
One person who thinks that I’m a hero, his hero…Like all the others and yet so many deaths, so many loses. I was already praying that I wouldn’t count this one as a lose too…

December 2012

How could I ever forget this month? After all it was the month when everything started going wrong…  
It has been already three years since Piers joined the BSAA and during these three years, he showed himself to be quite the competent one, to have a lot potential within him…  
During these three years, we got a lot closer professionally speaking since he evolved from a rookie to my lieutenant, my A.T.L but also secretly the one for who my heart was beating uncontrollably fast…

These feelings, that I have already experienced, were still strange to me… How could I fall in love for someone who was at the very least 10 years younger than me? Thus, explaining that they remained secret and perhaps they were the reasons explaining the numbness I’m feeling since the end of the mission in China.  
But let us not jump at the gun for there is still a lot to tell… During these three years, the two of us got a lot closer to the point that we would do our training together at the gym and in the shooting range.

We would also go to the city in order to do various things together such as drinking coffee, shopping, visiting museums. In other words, we had a lot of reasons, of occasions to spend time together and each time we spent together was a delight for me.

On a day or two before we were meant to go to Edonia, we spent the evening with the whole team at a pub discussing about different subjects and obviously the crushes each member had. The only ones who didn’t talk about that were Piers, the rookie Finn and myself. Using the reason of not wanting to talk about something so private, we changed suddenly the subject.  
When midnight stroke and every member went back to the base to rest before the departure to the mission, Piers and myself went outside the bar in order to talk a bit just the two of us.

It was cold, but seeing Piers with his scarf and his unending smile his has on his face each time he saw me were enough to warm my heart. The scarf that he was wearing was a present that I’ve offered him when he firstly joined my team three years ago and he always took pride in taking extremely good care of it. That kind of details made me so happy.  
We were talking when Piers suddenly took a sharp intake of breath after looking in the sky. A branch of mistletoe was hung there like some kind of huge coincidence… He looked at me and without saying any words, our lips connected for the first time in three years…

I know that I shouldn’t have kissed him, I should have shown some restrains but right now, at this precise moment, I wanted to tell him how I felt since our first encounter. When the kiss ended, he took the branch of mistletoe and gave it to me after saying that no matter what were my feelings for him, that branch and the kiss were small proofs among others of his love for me and that he would do anything to protect me, to protect “his Captain”, “his Chris”.

I was left speechless but not for too long… he took my hand and we left. We had to rest since tomorrow was the day we would be leaving for Edonia. I didn’t tell him how I felt but I hoped the kiss did it for me otherwise I would need to find some time during the mission to tell him…

1st July 2013

Four years since I’ve made back from Africa. Four years since I’ve met Piers, my secret crush, my wonderful A.T.L. One day since he died for me…  
Since yesterday, I’ve completely lost it… All the memories I’ve lost since Edonia, since my team that I’ve lost there, have returned to me. Every time I’m thinking to them and especially to Piers, my heart would hurt me to the point that my knees wouldn’t be able to support me anymore.  
Since my return from this dreadful mission, I stopped going on the field because of the PTSD I was suffering from. There is not a single night during which I would wake up drench in sweat because of a terrible nightmare.

A nightmare which consist of myself walking through a long white corridor until I reach a series of tombs in which are written the name of each member of my team. And in the middle of this series of tombs, would be present a bigger, ornated white tomb with the name of my precious A.T.L.  
This nightmare takes place every night during which I would be crying, asking for forgiveness but then I would also hear weird noises and screams behind my back. And when I would front these noises and screams, I would be facing my team lost in Edonia and China and Piers.

All of them smiling at me, telling me to join them before their body start changing because of the virus…The flames, the screams, the cocoons and my A.T.L with his lost arm turning into some kind of tentacle which emits electricity. They would stare at me with an angry, murderous intent before each of them attack me to death. I’ve just wondering how many times did I die in this dream…

Piers would surely be mad at me for stopping the job. It wasn’t like a decision from myself to stop it but everyone saw how unfitting I was since I’ve made it alive…I was alive physically talking but mentally, I was sure to be nearly dead…  
Piers was my everything and yet I didn’t ever tell him how I felt and now I’m going to suffer from it for as long as I would be living. My heart was definitely fractured, a fracture that I expressed in front of everyone when we did the funeral ceremony with a discourse but no tears. My eyes looked empty because of my soul, my whole being who went from lively to completely numb.

It was only when I was in my office with Jill and my sister, who came all the way from Europe to see me, that my tears would flown away each time I would look at the two photos on my office : one with my whole team and one in which I was holding Piers’ hand and we were both smiling at the camera.

It only happened once because from what I could remember, I did a crisis on the floor to the point of losing consciousness. When I woke up at the infirmary, a dozen of days later, the first sight was my crying sister who informed me that should I was left alone in my office back then, my heart would have stopped beating definitely and I would have died.

I knew that I shouldn’t be talking to them and especially to my sister about death but after everything that happened I wished so much I could have died so I could be with Piers right now.  
Since this day, It has been decided that I needed to consult a therapist for my problems and I would be, with Jill by my side, the first one to visit this new build area in the BSAA which is a therapy building in which there is an indoor garden I can walk in and rest within.

The hierarchy within the BSAA thought that it would be just a matter of time before I made my comeback as energetic as before. They were completely wrong…Since I’ve woke up in the infirmary, I’ve been only the shadow of myself. 

Physically alive but dead inside…  
No longer any desire for laughing, for dating, for eating, for anything…  
My eyes were empty, my heart and soul felt the same….  
The legendary Chris Redfield has finally met his end in a wheelchair inside the indoor garden of the therapy building.


	2. Chapter 2 - Regretful Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is tormented by memories of his recent past and in particular the memory of the underwater facility and his recurrent nightmare. If only a miracle could help him because otherwise how can he ever found solace ?

My feelings for you – Chris Redfield x Piers Nivans

Chapter 2 – Regretful memories

«Piers, open that goddamn door! It's an order! » I scream as I watch Piers, my ace, my lieutenant, my Piers, trying to smile with his young and beautiful face while he was mutating more and more because of the vial of the C-Virus he injected himself in his right arm or at least in what left of his right arm when he wanted to save me after being thrown into a wall by Haos and after that huge piece of trunk crushed his arm in two...

He turned on his back, refusing to listen to my order and went to the left of the escape pod in which I was, and find on the wall the lever that would allow the pod to escape in underwater facility before the explosion comes but that mean leaving Piers and my responsibility concerning him behind... And that was something that I definitely not wanted to happen.

« Piers, what are you doing? We can still make it out...With Jake's blood and with all the information we got about viruses, we can cure you completely. Don't do this Piers dammit! » At that moment everything went red because of the light and a loud « PING » could be heard and I knew that I would be the last time I would be able to see him if I couldn't change his mind...

So, before the escape pod began to move, I slammed both my fists on the door, hoping that it would open but it didn't. « Why ...No, please, no... » Putting my hand on the glass, I went on « If you don't want to live for yourself, then live for me! » I yelled and noticed that he was smiling more that before and he told me that he loves me too but it was too late...the escape pod was propelled into water...

Even right at this moment, a critical one, I wasn’t been able to tell him my feelings. Once again, I hoped that the expression on my face, my actins inside the pod such as slamming my fists would inform Piers of them and convince him of joining me but it was a failure…

« PIERS ! » I screamed his name one last time and a few seconds after, I couldn't see him anymore. I sat on the floor telling myself that he was gone, that I wouldn't see him anymore and my heart hurt me so much that I completely broke and started crying. But my tears come to a stop when, to my surprise, the giant B.O.W, have somehow recovered and launched himself on the escape pod trying to kill me with it.

At first, I thought that if I could hold my breath for long enough, I could break the glass while shooting it and then I would swim but then I remembered that this bastard wasn't affected at all with handgun ammo even when you shoot him in the head and my Nine oh Nine (9o’9) was the only weapon within my reach that still got ammo on it... The situation was completely sad because even in my last moment, I wasn't able to be with the one I come to love with my life...

But then, I saw a giant blast of bioelectricity striking Haos and destroying him definitely to smithereens. The monster let one last huge scream and then I could see the underwater facility exploding.  
After that, the scenery changed completely and I wasn't in the escape pod waiting for a miracle to happen anymore and instead I was in some sort of corridor which looked like a mausoleum since on the left like on the right there were graves. To be precise, there were four graves in each side and a big grave in the middle...

I noticed by getting close to them that all of them belonged to all the member of Alpha Team who fell in Edonia and in Lanshiang...All of them so young, so brave and who could have a life full of opportunities if they were able to survive. I always knew, since I joined the S.T.A.R.S, that fighting against bioterrorism mean to always put your live at stake for the safety of the others, that you would only be able to live everyday with the fear of death, with the fear and the sadness of losing someone close to you.

And so, never I thought, that one day, I would witness my team which I considered like a second family to me, getting entirely wiped out so easily because of one fucking crazy woman. As I got closer to the grave in the middle, I could see a name and a first name that tightened my heart instantly: « Piers Nivans (1987-2013), a leader, a friend, a lover, a brother... »

I was about to pay my respect when I heard noises behind me. When I turned around, I thought that my heart would stop immediately. Piers and all the members of my team were stating in front of me smiling with eyes full of life. I wanted to hold each of them, especially Piers, into my arms but when I tried to reach them, they just disappeared.

I saw them one more time but this time it was painful...really painful. All of them, except Piers, began convulsing, crying and screaming my name and my title but, one more time, I wasn't able to join them because each time I made a move, it was like they were getting more and more far away...

And so, after a while, the scenery I witnessed with horror and sadness in the city hall of Edonia was repeating itself. My men, except Piers, were burning while still crying my name and title but I couldn't do anything. I was like paralyzed; I couldn't move even though I wanted to save them so badly and it tore completely my heart which was mending little by little with time. I could only watch them becoming monsters...

I closed my eyes and take my head in my hand in pain, wanted so badly to tore it off of my body so I could die finally in peace when I heard his voice. The voice of Piers, the voice of the man I loved so much. « Take a good look at us » he said and I could only watch all of them with tears and an aching heart.

Piers was standing in the middle of the group of Napads and I could see the effect of the virus on his body, a disproportionate bio electrical tentacle with claws instead of his right arm, more bigger and taller than his left arm which go as far as his hips even a little in the lower part of his body, constantly producing electricity. But that was not all. About his face, there wasn't any more that smile that I used to like to see every time I could and even his sweet and soft lips were becoming more and more green while one of his eyes was completely blank and the color of the other was a burning red which reminded me of Albert.

I could hear the cry full of pain, sadness, anger and despair from the monsters who used to be members of my team. Each time I heard their cry, it was like I was getting stabbed and ripped out of my chest repeatedly.

« Well hello there Captain, Have you missed us a little? » he said with an acidic tone while he spat on the ground.  
« No... please...no, I wanted to save you all... » was the only thing I could say.  
« Save us all? Don't even try to make me laugh... » He looked at me and I could easily see that I was pissing him off.  
« No... please, it's the truth... »  
« Oh really...You can't even save your fucking miserable and pathetic life unless someone play the role of the shield and you dare telling me that you wanted to save us all Captain? Didn’t you, back then, only focused on your so great idea of revenge that you hid between a supposed desire of justice?  
« I swear... it's the truth, I haven't been well since the end of this mission Piers...If only you could see me...if I only knew back then what would have happened, I would have saved you all... »  
« Enough! » he looked down at me. You’re truly a worthless person. How could I even fell in love for you? How could I believe that you were a legend when you’re that pathetic?

His words hurt me beyond imagination but they were true… I let all of them down because of mistakes that I could have easily avoided if I were a little more careful instead of bashing like a crazy bull at a target that he could never succeed to destroy…  
However, I didn’t have the time to really think on his words nor have the time to beg for his forgiveness… 

« What? Wait... » I saw Piers telling something to the monsters, his lips were moving but it was so low that I couldn't hear anything. After that he talked to the monsters, he disappeared and the rest of them began to attack me, killing me in the process…Everything went black, darkness, no more pain, nothing, I've finally got the death I wanted so much after China.  
Each time, I made this dream or should I say this nightmare, I’m confronted with the same end, an end in which the man of my heart was so disgustingly disappointed of me that he disappeared instead of granting me the final blow… 

My eyes open themselves wide instantly…Once again I was in my wheelchair in the indoor garden of the therapy building. That nightmare, these memories keep on haunting me everytime I close my eyes and each time I open my eyes; I end up feeling tears running down my cheeks, unable to control the flow…

Today, I was supposed to be there to rest and in order to ease my heart, my sister was with me pushing the wheelchair while she was trying to make some small talk so she could try to make me feel a little better. But when she heard whimpers coming from me and also the fact that I had difficulties to breath, she went in front of me so she could have a look at my face and seeing my tears flowing down with my hands near my heart were a heartbreaking view for her.

I wanted to reassure her like I always tried to do since we lost our parents when we were younger but no words would come out from my mouth. I could only hold her hand, feeling devastated that she would be feeling hurt because of me. Indeed, the legendary captain fall far from graces and is no longer but a shadow of himself, too weak to move forward.  
That were words that keep plaguing my mind even though my friends came to see me every day telling me how strong I am, telling me good stories filled with good deeds I did in order to cheer me up and to help me getting out of this static state I was currently in… If only I didn’t lose Piers back then, if only I was able to tell him my feelings…perhaps he would be here and I wouldn’t be feeling like that…  
I will regret forever this memories, this nightmare and these words… But deep down within me I wish there could be a miracle to help me otherwise I wonder how long could I keep up being like this…


	3. Chapter 3 - A bursting heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris made some progress while there were still things to work on but he was feeling a tiny bit better. Yet a certain thing will put everything back it was in July.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phiouuuu three chapters in four days... So far 4 kudos and 58 people have seen and perhaps read my story . I hope i'll keep on pleasing each of you with this slow build. This one has been the longest I've ever written.

My feelings for you – Chris Redfield x Piers Nivans

Chapter 3 – A bursting heart

September,1st 2013: 6.30 in the morning was what I could read on the digital clock placed on the top of my bedside table. It's been already two months since C-Outbreak.  
« C-Outbreak,eh ? » I thought immediately that it was a nice name which could give to anyone interested, a little idea about the recent event that I've been through the last months... Two months have already passed since Edonia and Tatchi, since what happened to Piers and myself in the underwater facility and yet here I am suffering because of my PTSD, because of nightmares and the lack of sleep but also because of the lack of social contacts.

Well, I was ordered to take some time off after the mission but I didn't since if I would have taken some time off, what would I have been able to do from a day to another one if not mourning and crying ?  
Progress have been made since my last crisis on July 1st and I’ve left behind my wheelchair. I’ve still had some appointments with my therapist but otherwise than that I was now able to resume my job and the missions that come with it. 

I'm not hiding the truth...Since I made it back from the Chinese waters alive, it has been two months during which I have to thanks the closest persons in my life tried to intervene so I could stop this desire of mine to die slowly like my beloved little sister, Claire, or my ex-partner and lover, Jill. And so, since middle of August, a new rhythm has developed itself: Mission, visit to the cemetery, cry, sleep... Well trying to sleep because since July,1st I've lost the concept itself of sleeping...

The only thing I couldn’t stop because I didn’t want it to stop were my tears…  
Yet that night felt like a miracle because even with the nightmare, I was able to sleep at least two hours which are two hours more than the others nights...Can I truly call that a miracle? Wouldn't I get better if I went to a doctor? Maybe it's just insomnia...

The true miracle for me would be that Piers come back for me...not even for his family...but just for me but miracles don't happen like that...I promised to him that no matter the outcome of the mission would be, I will keep on being the captain of Alpha team and I would stop my drinking habit after all if it wasn't Piers who found me back then in Edonia, I wonder what I would be doing right now...

Maybe hitting all the bars until I get chased of all of them? When that thought came into my mind, I shuddered in fear and disgust and it only made me sick. Piers didn't sacrifice himself so I can mourn about him between a glass of whiskey or wine or bourbon and cigarettes...  
He sacrificed himself so I could be saved and continue our righteous battle against bioterrorism and so in order to honor his memory I won't stop the fight until I die or until I would be able to live in a peaceful world without the horror, the sadness, the pain, the anger and all the bad things brought so far by all the fights I led against Bioterrorism during the last fifteen years.

Remembering the mission, remembering the recent past behind me took a certain amount of time. I didn't even start to remember all the thing we've been through, Piers and I, during the three past years and yet it was already 7 o'clock in the morning and I had to be at the BSAA headquarter in one hour precisely.  
At that moment, I remember that today I had to recruit a new lieutenant because Jill couldn't work with me anymore and nor her nor Barry were able to convince the headmaster that I could continue to do my job without a team.

« Shit...fucking new recruits... » I mumbled to myself. The only partner I want...No, the only partner I need is Piers but even if I keep believing in miracles, he won't appear in front of me just like some kind of spirit...No, I don't believe in that crap...and even I do, it would be just too easy.

But that doesn't mean that I will start weeping again and again. I mean I have to keep some for my regular visits at the cemetery. I chuckled a little bit... Standing out of my bed, I made my way to my drawer and choose my clothes which, as a sign of habituation, were my usual BSAA green military vest, a black shirt, my forest camouflage pants, my unique and favorite pair of combat boots and since July, 1st , my new trademark symbol but which always remember good and sad moments : Piers' scarf around my neck...

After doing my shower and getting dressed, I went to the kitchen and like usual, I mean since the end of the C-Outbreak, only drink coffee and eat a slice a bread with butter and strawberry jam...and at that moment I realized that it was long, long ago, the last time I wolfed a good breakfast... But it was a sign of progress compared to last July since back then I wouldn’t eat at all.

When I noticed that, like all the morning previous to this one, I haven't eaten so much, I was already outside, closing my front door and going to my truck...Guess there are still things that I do automatically...Though, it's not that I'm starving myself or enjoying the fact of not eating or something like that in order to kill me slowly or because I'm some kind of sadist...it's just that without Piers in my life, everything has become tasteless even life itself...

For any other reason, I'm pretty sure that everyone would at least be laughing at me. I mean, I'm the supposed to be legendary Chris Redfield, Captain and co-founder of the BSAA, who can easily eat for four... So why, suddenly, decide to stop eating? And even if the reason is worthy of that choice, how can I keep the amount of energy needed in my body for my muscles and everything else if I do not eat?

But as I was driving to the headquarters, wondering in my thoughts came to an end and reality hit me hard : When Piers sacrificed his life for me, when he stood behind me, when he died for me, a part of my life, a part of my heart that healed completely when he was at my side, when he showed me that I can be loved and loved someone in exchange...Well, it completely broke into tiny pieces, even worse, it has just completely disappeared.

I loved him since the first time he has served under my command and kept on loving him until the last time I was able to see him through the glass of the escape pod back then in the underwater facility in China but I was so fucking stubborn that I let my chance just slip away for I hadn’t ever tell him how I really felt for him.  
I was parking inside the BSAA base and went to the front door of the BSAA headquarters when like usual the soldiers belonging to Bravo Team (lead by Captain Valentine by the way...) and Delta Team (lead by Captain Burton...) greeting me with their hand on their forehead. And after giving them a quick nod and reciprocate the gesture, I entered the building and made my way to my office still trying to avoid contact because seeing people smiling was still painful to me.

But, even though two months have already been passed and even if I’ve made enough progress, I'm still not in the mood of seeing anyone, not in mood to socialize but in the end it was still useless since in my office Jill was already there and she was with two other people that I know way to well, two people that I didn't except to see in my office : Sheva Alomar and Josh Stone from the BSAA Africa Branch.

« Oh... »  
« Hello Chris » Jill said to me as she stood from my chair and went to me, kissing me in both cheeks.  
« Hello Chris...long time no see » Sheva said to me and gave me a hug and then she went on : « I wished everything would have happen to you normally...I'm so sorry... »  
« It's okay...I mean it will never be like before again but I'm doing good for him, for the others I lost and for everyone... » I said trying to stay calm and cool but I felt tears starting to sting in my eyes...  
« Hello Chris...I'm sorry too about what happened. » Josh said to me as I sensed his hand on my shoulder.  
« Thank you, Josh... » I said while Sheva pull out her arms from me and I took Josh into a brotherly hug, letting tears finally running down my cheeks unto the floor.

I was trying to calm the flow of tears which was escaping from my eyes when Jill gave me a letter that was written by Piers. When I asked why and how did she get this letter, she told me, with a sad look on her face, that Piers told her, before the mission in Edonia and China, that should anything happen to him, that letter has to be given to me.  
So, I sat down on the couch in my office with Sheva on my left and Jill on my right and I started to read his letter as loud as I could:

"Dear Chris,  
I should probably write this letter in case something happened to me and I wouldn’t be able to see you anymore.  
See, there are a lot of things I wanted to tell you but I weren’t been able to it so far so I hope these words will reach you and convey the things I wanted to tell you.  
From the moment you went in Texas in order to search for new recruits who would lend their force, their energy, their wishes to save the world within the BSAA. From the moment you and I have met for the first time, I couldn’t do anything but admire you.  
This admiration of mine kept growing once I joined the BSAA since I would hear about you everywhere, hearing about your history, your combats and everything you did so the whole BSAA could enact as one big family…  
There wasn’t a place where you weren’t mentioned at least once. All the men had respect for you and of course all of the women swooned over you. But I’m sure you’re already mildly aware of that. Of course, you are…  
And my desire to become closer to you was realized when we did become closer with time."

Piers was right, I’d taken a liking to him and I knew the reasons, however I figured that it would be for the best to keep the reasons hidden and to think that it was just because the kid was talented or should I say had been talented…

"I felt like I had been granted my true dream when you asked me to join your team firstly as your sniper and then as your second in commandment. You told me so many times that I was talented that I thought for a while that you’re spoiling me. Yet, I couldn’t figure why you would go as far as doing this to me when I was only a simple young man who has been taught to shoot with my father while you were the true legend…  
I never asked you why, I just went with it. I never questioned it, never though about it. Then that Christmas came, Chris. The Christmas that changed a lot of things after a simple yet so precious gesture. Do you still remember it?"

Of course, I remembered it, how could I forget this sweet moment? It was a first for me yet I wanted it to last forever:  
“Captain?” My head automatically turned toward the youthful and so sweet voice that is Piers Nivans, the young man for who I had deep feelings for…  
“Evening, Nivans,” I greeted casually and he walked forward smiling up at me…  
We were talking when Piers suddenly took a sharp intake of breath after looking up in the sky. A branch of mistletoe was hung there like some kind of huge coincidence… He looked at me and without saying any words, our lips connected for the first time in three years…  
It wasn’t a question of choices nor a question of respecting or not the rules of fraternization… Back then we both felt this moment to be the appropriate one for this memorable sweet kiss.  
Yet, I knew that I shouldn’t have kissed him, I should have shown some restrains but right now, at this precise moment, I wanted to tell him how I felt since our first encounter. When the kiss ended, he took the branch of mistletoe and gave it to me after saying that no matter what were my feelings for him, that branch and the kiss were small proofs among others of his love for me and that he would do anything to protect me, to protect “his Captain”, “his Chris”.

Swallowing the ache in my chest and more precisely in my heart away, I tried to resume the reading even though Jill, Sheva and Josh could see by now how painful this reading was for me.  
"I thought about that kiss and the branch of mistletoe a lot more than I should have. I was completely fine with it even though I couldn’t deny that small part within me who felt guilty for doing such gesture to one of my superior.  
Yet I couldn’t also deny myself from the temptation of more. Our relation was so far fine for me but since that moment, all I was thinking about was kissing you again and again.  
Kissing your lips, your jawline, your neck, your collarbone and even your whole body…Every part was all tempting. So tempting. For the longest span of time I was tempted.  
And so, if a kiss could bring all of this temptation within me, I couldn’t help it but wondering what would have happened should we had the occasion to go beyond that kiss. That way of thinking become dreams in which I saw myself doing anything and everything that I could with my body in order to please you Chris.  
You were the most beautiful man I had ever set my eyes upon and I never wanted to stop looking for you, your praise, your smile, everything that would make my heart go numb.  
But in the true end, I wanted you to love me. With this kiss, I tried to make sure that you would understand my feelings for you. But deep down I knew how foolish this attempt was since I couldn’t erase from my memory that peculiar time during which I was a rookie and you confessed to me that you couldn’t love anyone even if you tried because of your heart being so fractured.  
You told me that you’ve even tried to love Jill Valentine, your partner, your friend above all but it didn’t work in the end even though she loved you for years and years.  
And I knew how stupid that wish was because I could dream of a kiss from your lips, of a night with your body, of being constantly close to you and yet I knew that I couldn’t wish for the thing that I wanted above all, that I couldn’t wish for you to love me and I’ll probably kill myself for it."

I had to look away, to wipe the tears that were coming back to me again. Jill and Sheva asked me if they could finish the reading for me but since that letter was meant for me, I knew that it was some kind of ordeal that I had to go through even though it was hurting me as it has surely hurt Piers to write it.

"Then that mission came and everything changed when I knew that no matter how many time I could look at you, speak to you, you wouldn’t remember that kiss…  
With your amnesia, you’ve become somewhat cold but remained my captain, my Chris in my heart and I guess this are the reasons which permitted me to stay strong by your side.  
Lovers or not, you and I formed one of best team the BSAA could have. A duo with so much adventures, so much time together that it has been such an honor to have been able to live through all of it."

I was choking on a sob as my breathing was becoming erratic.

"And this is where I end this letter Chris. This is where it’ll be sent back to the base hoping that one day I could read it to you myself."

My eyes were blurring again and again…

"Thanks for everything Captain, you made it all worthwhile. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I’m so sorry. The only thing I can’t help but wonder is if at the time you’ll be reading this, if you loved me as well…"

I ended the reading with a tight grip on my chest near my heart, Jill managed to take the letter away from me as she saw how wide my eyes were open with all the tears.   
« I did…» was the only thing I could say…  
« It's okay Chris...cry once for but please do not give up on your efforts to pull yourself back again... »he said to me and then I cried while my body began to tremble again and I couldn’t see anything, anymore nor anyone. Everything faded in black while I was screaming Piers’ name.  
« What's happening to him? » Sheva and Josh asked in the same time.  
« I'm going to call Rebecca immediately! He's having an attack from his PTSD! An attack that he didn’t have since July.» Jill screamed while she opened the door of my office and went searching for Rebecca. « Stay with him and try anything to calm him... » She said before closing the door of my office.  
« Chris...Chris please calm down... » Sheva said but I couldn't hear half of the words correctly. My body was trembling more and more while I had difficulties to breath and my tears keeping on running down...  
« Chris...calm down...take deep breaths and try to tell us what can we do in order to help you even if it's just a little bit. » Josh said but with the shaking of my body which weren't calming at all, this attack was still way too strong to force me to not think clearly.  
« Piers...Top drawer...desk...photo... » That was the only words I was able to say.  
« Alright Chris...hold on partner...I'm on it » Sheva said while she went to check the belongings inside the top drawer of my desk. She looked for it for what it seems to be a minute or two. Then she went on: « Alright Chris I have it...I think it's this one...Oh god... »  
On that photo that was taken at the beginning of December 2012 before Edonia, You could see Piers and I, hand in hand, walking in street filled with snow. Piers' head was on my shoulder and the both of us were smiling... When Sheva put the photo in my hands, I could feel some kind of warmth before losing entirely consciousness.  
The last thing I’ve heard coming from a far distance was Sheva screaming my name…


	4. Chapter 4 - A broken man and a miracle?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jill is remembering good and sad moment she had with Chris and Claire made an unusual discovery which (or who) should be the solution, the miracle to a lot of problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'd like to thanks a lot the people who read my fanfic so far, It has made me so happy.  
> Then I'd like to say that so far it has been a pleasure to return into writing and seeing the number of kudos increasing makes that desire of mine to write much deeper, much stronger. So thank you guys !  
> Finally, a few words of gratitude to Sneakytulip and Hulin Morgane (I hope I wrote your name correctly) whose commentaries on my last chapter moved me so much that I couldn't let you guys down. So here is my last chapter with a rebirth of our so desired miracle.

My feelings for you – Chris Redfield x Piers Nivans

Chapter 4: A broken man and a miracle?

September,1st 2013 – 10:45 A.M, BSAA ICU: Jill's POV:

The sight in front of me was definitely heart breaking. His scarf, which used to belong to Piers, and jacket on the coat rack, Chris Redfield, my friend, my partner but also the man who once was my lover, but due to tragic circumstances we had to stop any type of relationship between the two of us, was lying down on the medical bed of the BSAA ICU, sleeping after being heavily sedated so the doctor could run test and scans on him.

Why was he in this actual state? Simply enough... Because the attack he went through, this morning, due to his PTSD which first symptoms appeared four years ago after he had to kill Albert Wesker in the Kijuju's volcano and the main reason was because of the relationship Chris had with him. Not only, Chris did hate this man but he also loved him and that since his first day as a S.T.A.R.S member...

Yeah...I remember better now that the inside effects of the P-30 device which used to be on my chest aren’t kicking anymore... Chris had always respected that man and thus had always show him devotion and desire to serve under his commands and Wesker used the fact that Chris, back then, was young and naive, telling him that he felt slowly in love with Chris but alas for Chris, we knew too late that it wasn't the case...

Wesker only used him to satisfy his sexual urges when he couldn't do it with Sherry's late father, William Birkin, a crazy scientist who ,with his wife, created the G-Virus or his wife...at least he must had had one since he was able to give birth to the kid who's blood is now able to save the world after the last outbreak : Jacob Muller (aka Jake).  
I mean, Chris did get rid of Wesker who happened to be his lover but that man was in the first place a big threat to the planet and for sure Chris did a great job... a job that I thought I would have never been able to see when I threw myself from the window of the Arklay Mansion with Wesker in order to save Chris even though, back then, we promised each other to live together until the very end of our lives...

Yeah...the PTSD's effects began to run wild inside Chris when we came back from Africa and though he was smiling because our fight would ensure to everyone living a better future, I could see the sadness, the blame and even the grief inside his eyes even though there were no reason for those feelings to exist in the first place...

However, I didn't give a thought about Chris' feelings and when the both of us separated a few days later, it hurt so much and I was so angry at Chris that I just stopped talking to him for a while thus not noticing that while my heart was mending bit by bit specially thanks to the man actually inside of my life, Carlos Oliviera, Chris' heart, on the other side, was completely broken and wouldn't mend at all to the point that he didn't want a partner anymore and he wanted to leave the B.S.A.A. But that was before he met Piers in that training camp in Texas.  
I didn't have any time to spend with Chris and Piers because of my job, even though it was a desk one, but I do remember their first meeting. Chris was really broken and didn’t speak to anyone except his sister and it's thanks to Claire that this fateful encounter that was able to heal Chris did happen...

Chris was invited, with Carlos and myself of course, to her sister's birthday and that when he happened to meet Piers outside the job because it seemed that the young boy knew Claire before meeting Chris himself yet the boy was already worshipping Chris like some kind of hero in his own way... In fact, their first meeting was really weird but at the same time really funny in the way of how Piers Nivans did behave that day.

I remember that one day, I was in Chris' office (it was of course, when the both of us were still good...) and Piers, who already became Chris' new partner and also Ace, weren't supposed to be on the base for the day... Chris did use that opportunity in a good way, I was chuckling mentally to the thought...

He told me that while he only wanted to salute his sister and then give her present, she used this opportunity to present Piers to Chris after that the poor young boy nearly have an heart attack when he saw Chris for the first time in real in Texas since the only image he had of Chris was the skinny bold and young boy in the photo trying to gain in muscles...

These memories did make me smile at least for a while...Now each time I'm thinking about Chris, it's about his PTSD which seemed to have definitely worsened after what occurred in Edonia, especially with what have happened to his team in the City Hall's building and then after the tragic and saddening events that concluded his mission in China...

Once his mission in the Chinese waters was over and once he made back to the base, I knew that he should have stopped at once all kind of activities and even his job, at least for a while so he could heal himself and I was able to convince him to stop thanks to the support of his closest people and the board of direction... But without knowing that making him stop his job would give him only time to think about his recent past everyday.

The only thing I could do was to support him through everything he went through since his return from the Chinese waters and tried to help him after the horrible consequences he faced up within his head but in the end even if there were some progress, it didn’t end well.

While I’m remembering all of these memories, I couldn’t help but watch Chris sleeping and I could only wish that his sleep would be peaceful. I could feel tears burning inside my eyes and threatening to fall when I heard the door to the ICU opening wide and see a young brunette, a little younger than me, but who also has reached her thirties nonetheless: Rebecca Chambers. Back then, when we were members of S.T.A.R.S, she was only eighteen and could barely hold a gun to defend herself but she was already a good medic for someone who was still finishing her studies.

Two hours prior: I was waiting Chris in his office with Sheva and Josh. I wanted to surprise him for his upcoming birthday with everyone even though I had also this letter from Piers not knowing what was written in it. If only I knew… If only I had taken time to read it before giving it to Chris… Perhaps he wouldn’t be here now.

And so, even making a surprise was proven for me to be a mission too difficult since not only Chris wasn't in the mood at all but also had an attack this morning and the first reflex I had was to go to see her immediately, to run away from the man who once saved me because for the first time in my entire life I felt and completely understood what it meant to be completely powerless...Seeing Chris crying in pain holding his head while his body was trembling was a sight way too horrible for me...

Rebecca Chambers didn't even hesitate, instead of retiring herself from the world of bioterrorism and work in a hospital and try to build a sort of « peaceful » life, she immediately joined the B.S.A.A when Chris, Barry and myself created it.

When we asked her the reason about that decision, she simply told us that she couldn't let go of her memories and her friends she met back then during the S.T.A.R.S period and the Spencer's mansion event.

And so, since that event, she has been working with and for us for more than ten years and even though she wasn't going anymore on the field, she also overcame her lot of pain, sadness and tragic events, some of them connected to all of us and some of them directly connected to her private life.

But nonetheless, she was always facing her problems with a bright smile on her young face, a smile that always gave to Chris, myself and even Barry, the courage and the strength to keep up with the efforts because our fight was for a good reason, a reason that was worth of fighting even though, from time to time, the consequences were so horrible that you just want to give up on everything and anything, on everyone.

« Hey Jill » She said to me while she was wearing her smile that usually was so contagious that would, without any effort, help everyone around her feeling better. But that was until now because seeing my ex-partner in the bed so calm but at the same time so damaged was enough to make me understand that it wasn't the proper time for celebrations and things like that...

« Hey Becky... you know, outside of Chris being inside of the room with the two of us, there is no one else, so you can drop the smile please... »  
« Oh...okay... » she said and then for the first time in my life, I was able to see Rebecca breaking up completely as she started crying and then took me in some kind of hug. A hug that I used to give to her each time we were facing a difficult situation...  
« It's okay Becky...it's okay...it's difficult but you know Bearfield, he's strong...he is definitely going to make it... »  
« No...Jill... unless there is a miracle…no...he's not going to make it... »  
« Wait...What do you mean? Is he dying? » Hearing Rebecca’s answer already left me speechless but when these words of mine left my mouth, I could only feel a pit of pain deep down within me.  
« No...I mean, in a certain way, he is already dead... » she said to me while she broke the hug and I could see on her face, tears running down her cheeks to fall on the floor...  
« Care to explain ?...Please ? »  
« Well, isn't it obvious? Since he came back from China, he was different man...No more laughing, no more social life and instead of that he started to stay alone, away from everyone, always crying and he even told me once that even if he's trying his best to get better, his life wouldn't be the same at all without Piers, the man that he has secretly loved since day one, without his Alpha team at his side anymore... »  
« So you mean that... »  
« Yes...physically he's going to recover, his body is strong and like you said, he is our « bearfield » not for nothing, now isn't he ? But mentally...it's something else. For the first time in my life, I was able to see Chris in another aspect. Chris Redfield, one of our most powerful members, one of our courageous and strongest pillars of force, is completely broken inside Jill... I think, it's time for Chris to stop, to put an end to his career... »  
« Wait a minute...do you think he will agree? You know him as well Barry, his sister Claire and myself know him...He won't accept to stop. How will you manage to make him stop? »  
« Well it's not like it is a stop for ever... It is just for a certain amount of time that he will use to rest and heal himself mentally and physically. And we have to stop him, otherwise he will destroy himself completely and if he do that then what would be left of us, of Claire, if he comes to die or to disappear? »  
« Yeah...I thought times and times about that outcome...It would be definitely dreadful, painful and hard to get over with... »  
« Hard...you mean impossible right Jill? I mean with time things will get better but Chris himself is like the soul of the B.S.A.A after all he is one of the most important reason for why we have each year a lot of young people filled with hope joining our fight... »  
« Yeah...you're definitely right Becky...So the only thing we have to do now is to monitor Chris and, in some way, do his work while he recovers and at the same time hoping for a miracle. »  
« Yeah...let's just hope for a miracle to happen and if it shouldn't be the case then it doesn't matter because we'll definitely be there for Chris and for sure our Bearfield is going to make it. » She said and that sentence of her could only make me smile and it was definitely the thing I needed on these dark days...  
« Rest well Chris...from now on we shall take care of everything...Good sleep my dear Bearfield...Soon you'll be back to us... » I said at loud looking at Rebecca who nodded in approval before taking a good look at Chris who seemed at peace right now and then decide to leave the ICU with Rebecca to meet up with everyone...It was time to make things change and for good never knowing that perhaps the miracle we were waiting for was already on its way.  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, on a beach’ shores near Langshang:

Claire’s POV: There were small but there were still progress in mutiples fields. When I’m thinking about these “fields”, I’m thinking first of all about my dearest brother. Since that time I was with him in the indoor garden of the BSAA’s therapy building, I could only see improvement when I saw him going to his appointments with his therapist, when I would come and see him on base or at his house and that I was able to make him crack a small smile…

And so, near the middle of August, when Chris started again his missions and his tasks within the BSAA, I had to do the same within Terra Save, a group in which I was working with Barry’s daughter Moira.

The both of us had received a call which ended up with one good piece of news and one question : that piece of news, which is also a different field of progress, concerned the fact that the vaccine created with Jacob Muller’s blood worked wonderfully well and now it was up to our people to get back to their own two feet slowly but surely…. Easier said than done but one day I’m sure we will be able to live in a peaceful world without the menace of bioterrorism on our shoulders anymore.

The question is the reason why I was currently standing with a troop of elite soldiers on the beach’s shores near Langshang. We received a call telling us that a cocoon was found there and that it has already cracked into tiny pieces…

When we gave to the soldiers, from the BSAA, the order to get rid of the cocoon and whatever monstrosity who hatched within it, the soldiers couldn’t do anything because what or should I say who hatched from that cocoon was a human being answering to the name of Piers Nivans…

That was what I was being told and my first reaction had been to book a flight in order to go there. Once I was in the camp made by these soldiers on that beach, I could have sworn that my heart had come to a stop… Piers was breathing, Piers was alive and no signs of mutation were present on his body. Could I truly call this a miracle?

Calling TerraSave’s headquarters, even though my first choice was to call the BSAA’s headquarters, I was put on the phone with the chief who told me that my decision of call the BSAA was the right one since this soldier belonged to their service and since I was here, I just needed the authorization within the authorities to bring back Piers to the United States.

But I needed information. I went discussing with the soldiers and the doctors inside this camp and I’ve learnt that they found this cocoon a week ago and it started cracking two or three days ago which fits perfectly with the time when I received the call.  
Furthermore, when the cocoon cracked and Piers felt on the sand, he was able to maintain his consciousness for a while or at least for enough time in order to ask one question “Where is the captain Chris Redfield?”

Since then he has been dormant and when the doctors told me that he wasn’t a danger for anyone, I did ask the how and why and he simple told me, that upon analyzing some fragments from his skin and especially after witnessing his skin healing immediately, the virus has simply fused with the entire cells of his body becoming some kind of enhancement. Piers has somewhat evolved into some kind of “super soldier”.

Hearing this from the doctor reassured me and I was determined to bring him back to where he belongs, to his family, to the BSAA and especially to Chris. I knew that there would be a chance that he would be tested again and again but if I could reunite these two soldiers, these two souls and hearts together, my mission would be complete.

And so what I did was once again to book a medical flight for the United States once I had Jill on the phone and told her about my discovery. She didn’t want me to panic but she ought to think that telling the truth was better than keeping it hidden and she told me about my brother’s last attack.

I was shocked but it wasn’t anymore the time for tears for I had within my reach the miracle for my dearest brother. I just hoped that during the flight and util we’ve made back to the BSAA, nothing wrong would happen to Piers. Please wait for me Chris and be safe !


	5. The Palace System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piers POV and introduction of Jason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A train full of emotions. We're going into this part where you should have a tissue next to you.  
> Finally reached the 10K words. I'm happy with the result so far and I'm definitely doing my best to provide new readable material for all of you guys. Keep up with the kudos and the commentaries please !

My feelings for you – Chris Redfield x Piers Nivans

Chapter 5: The Palace System

2nd week of September 2013 – Piers’ POV: Darkness… Cold darkness that I’ve come to choose after my latest decision in the underwater facility.  
The events that took place there seemed to date from a long time since nowadays only blurred moments would flash into my brain and then fade into cold darkness.

Cold darkness, I even would go as far as frigid darkness for the fact that I could remember how cold I felt back there before thinking that my life would come to an end.  
And it did…my latest choice allowed my Captain, my Chris to keep on living but at what expanse? At least I made sure to see his features one last time, to whisper slowly my unconditional love for him and to gather all of the electricity in the exploding facility for one last attack when I saw that cursed monster trying to destroy the pod in which was my Captain.

After that the last souvenir I had was a nice warmth sensation coursing my body and seeing what could be described as blue flames in my whole body. My eyes or should I say the one that was still human closed and no more pain could be felt.  
I was finally at peace…

*CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK*

For some weird reasons I was still able to hear noises around me. I didn’t have any notion of time anymore, didn’t know how many seconds, minutes, days or even months have passed but when I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was a big blue sky and then boots which might be belonging to soldiers. My left hand was in contact with the sea and the cocoon in front of me, which was cracked, didn’t surprise me at all. Was I inside of it? What happened to me?

I had a lot of questions but everything was a blur even the words from the soldiers who gathered around me. The last thing I remember was asking where was Chris Redfield.   
Then my eyes closed one more time as my consciousness was leaving me due to extreme tiredness…

When I came back to me, the first thing I could see was white walls. A clean room entirely white… I was pondering about my actual location, the actual time but in particular the reasons which could explain the fact that I was still breathing, still alive when a young doctor, or at least I presumed he was a doctor, entered in my room.

“Good morning Lieutnant Nivans, how are you feeling?”

“I don’t know…my head is hurting me quite a bit and I have flashes, images like some kind of blurry memories.”

“Hmmm…You might be experiencing a certain kind of short, temporary amnesia due to an external commotion. That place where you had been lastly, the underwater facility, was definitely hard on you, wasn’t it?”

At that moment my eyes were wide open as a new image started to pop up in my head. I could see myself with the Captain, my captain, running in order to escape a huge monster. What was its name already? What information did we find about it? How did we manage to put an end to it?

“Lieutnant Nivans…. Are you okay?”

“Yes I am doctor. It’s just that your reference to the underwater facility brought images to my brain. I’m sorry to ask this brutally but who are you? And can you tell me, where am I? And what time we are actually living?”

“I am sorry Lieutnant Nivans. Please do forgive my lack of manners. My name is Jason McFree, assistant of the doctor Chamber and scientist member of Echo Team. Right now, we’re in the second week of September 2013 and you’re in the ICU building of the BSAA North America Headquarters.”

I couldn’t believe what I was listening to. I was back in the United States, back in the BSAA headquarters, back to where my Chris is working?

“If I’m really back here, is it possible for me to see anyone from the BSAA? Is it possible to see my Captain?”

“About that Lieutnant, I can call the major Valentine and the doctor Chambers to confirm you that you’re actually back home at the BSAA North America Headquarters but you cannot see the Captain Redfield for now…”

“Why can I not see my captain?”

“I’m sorry Lieutnant but the information you’re asking me is confidential. I’m going to call the major Valentine and the doctor Chambers for you. Going to tell them that you’re awake.”

“Please do. Thank you, Jason.”

“You’re mostly welcome Lieutnant.”

As he was leaving the room, I couldn’t help but wonder the reasons that are stopping me from seeing my Captain. Well being in that medical bed should be already a reason and the fact that I was still feeling way too much fatigue coursing my whole body should be another reason. But what about my captain, about Chris? What could stop him from seeing me?

These questions keep haunting my brain, stopping me from trying to relax, to close my eyes. I was deeply thinking about each of them when two women, Jill and Rebecca, entered in my room.

“Long time no see soldier.” Jill said with a huge radiant smile plastered on her face. Rebecca was next to her with a folder in her hand which I could presumed was concerning me.

“I’m so glad to see you alive Piers.” Rebecca said but I could notice a sad tone in her voice and her eyes misting with tears.

“Major…Doctor… I’m so glad to see both of you again. But can someone tell me what is going on?”

“Well soldier, you’ve been in some kind of comatose state since the soldiers from the BSAA Far East Branch found you in the shores of a beach near Langshang.” Jill started to talk to me by saying this as some kind of context before presenting the actual situation, a situation concerning principally Chris and which was definitely heartbreaking.

“Jason told us that you wanted to see Chris…”

“Yes, I do Major. Wasn’t he informed that I’ve been found? Why isn’t he here?”

“Because Chris is no longer among us Piers…” She said and I could see that it wasn’t a joke. My eyes were wide open, feeling some kind of distress which was hurting my heart a lot.

“What do you mean Major?”

This time it was Rebecca who answered to me by telling me that Chris hadn’t retire nor died which in itself was a good news or at least that’s what I was thinking…A way of thoughts that have been stopped entirely when Rebecca told me that physically Chris was still among us but mentally it was another story, too sad and too hard to accept.

She told me that since July, Chris has lost himself in crisis he has been suffering from his PTSD to the point that during the whole month of July and until the beginning of August he has been in a wheelchair. She told me that he made slow progress but they were progress but the Chris we all knew, the Chris we all happen to love, to respect has “mentally disappeared” since his return from China…

When I asked for more details, I didn’t think that these details would be that much painful. Chris stopped laughing, stopped eating and there wasn’t a day where he didn’t cry even though his eyes seemed to be voided of life itself. She told me that he had to meet a therapist and for that reason he used to stay in the indoor garden of this therapy building looking at flowers, trees and even the fauna that was there… But was he really looking at something and at someone when that “someone” would come visit him?

My eyes were blurring with tears because somehow, I could feel Chris’ pain and devastating sadness, grief in my heart. A sadness and a grief that he was able to somehow recover from slowly thanks to the closest person coming for him. But that was until this 1st September…

Jill told me that he has been given by her the letter that I’ve once written for him… At that precise moment I was able to remember who I felt when I wrote this letter for him. Tears were coursing on my cheeks when Jill told me that Chris told Josh and both Sheva and herself that he loved me before having another seizure due to his PTSD. One that was so violent that he lost consciousness after holding the photo of the two of us in his hand.

I was screaming internally and externally…Chris, my Chris, my Captain was in a medicated bed, in some kind of comatose state since September 1st because of me. As I was weeping, I didn’t notice Jill and Rebecca’ s hands around my frame telling me that everything would start to get better now that a miracle has finally occurred…

That miracle is supposed to be myself but will I have the strength to see Chris? To do what is necessary to help him?  
When the tears ended, when my pulse returned to its calm, proper state, the doctor, Rebecca, told me that Jason, who was also Chris’s therapist, couldn’t give me the approval for a visit until the direction had been informed.

I have also been told that since my arrival here, I’ve been tested everyday to see if there would be any chances that I would turn back into a BOW but when Jill said that I was a true miracle, I could see the extend of this miracle.

I was Chris’ miracle, the key to his heart but before that another miracle happened deep down within me since the virus fused entirely with the cells of my body and the vaccine provided with Jake’s blood allowed for the virus to stabilize. Not a single chance for me to mutate into some kind of BOW was the final result that appeared in the bottom line of Rebecca’s report.

I was told that what should have taken months or perhaps years for a solution, for a miracle (damn I must like this word), had only taken a matter of days and now I was some kind of super soldier who needed to get better so I could start shaping the virus inside of me and make it something definitely useful for our battle against bioterrorism.

With Jill and Rebecca by my side, I had little difficulties to get up from my bed feeling a little sore from all the tests, but I was able to stand up and to leave my hospital room. Outside of it, I was surprised by the delightful visit of Claire Redfield, Chris’ sister but also the woman who tried her best to help her brother and help me in confessing my feelings.

A huge hug was her gesture towards me, a gesture that I have definitely welcomed with a few tears. The four of us walked through the whole ICU’s left wing until we’ve reached an elevator that Jill could only activate with a special pass given to superiors such as herself.

I was surprised to see all the levels that were present inside this building but what has surprised me more was our destination: a tunnel that could only be reached if we took that precise elevator to the underground level. That tunnel led us to the therapy building and for the first time I was able to see the look it and by that, I mean it’s external and internal design.  
A three floors building entirely in white and brown making a soft contrast but keeping that clinical image which is somehow cold.

We went to the first floor and we have been greeted by Jason, who after a nod of approval received from the Major, led us to Chris’ room.

Once we were inside Chris’ room, a beautiful yet saddening vision was offered to us: Chris was sleeping in this medicated bed, supposedly sedated from the medication they gave to him.  
With Claire, Jill and Rebecca’s help, I was able to sit down on a chair near Chris’s bed. Taking his hand in mine, I gave a small kiss on it, on his forehead and on his lips.  
“Chris I’m finally here. I’ll do my best for you again and again so I can live with you forever.”

Then, Jason finally spoke to us, telling us that there is a solution in order to help Chris. At the word “Solution”, the four of us turned our heads to face him and he started to talk about something he called “the Palace System”.

As some kind of context, Jason presented his field of studies he did before joining the BSAA and which is known as “PS cognitive science”, a field where the heart of mankind is studied through emotions, memories.

That system called “Palace system” had his name from a study in which it was shown that people who had strong emotions to the point of getting distorted, they would give birth to a Palace, a place deep down within one’s heart, in which one’s heart is expressing all of his/her distorted emotions and memories.  
He told us that it would be a first for him if he used that system on Chris and that there would be risks for the people who would dive inside his heart but he also told us that once the source of Chris’s heart had been taken away, his heart would start feel better.

There were risks but there was also a way for us to save Chris, to save my Chris…  
The only thing left for me to say was “Tell us when should we start Jason and what should we do? Chris, wait for me my love, I’ll bring you soon back to me, to everyone…”


	6. Operation Save Bearfield

My feelings for you – Chris Redfield x Piers Nivans

Chapter 6 – Operation Save Bearfield

Chris’ POV:

It was dark… Extremely dark…When my eyes opened, I was in a dark place and yet was able to see light only at the very far end of the actual place where I was…  
I started walking, I wanted to reach that light. The place where I was actually was cold, very cold… I could see that light getting closer and closer to me but for some weird reasons, no warmth was reaching me.

The only question on my mind was what was waiting me there? Did I die? No, that couldn’t be possible. Or should I say that I didn’t want it for this to be real. I had so many things left to do and for that reason I needed to open my eyes.

I’ve finally reached the light…The light enveloped my whole being making that whole dark place disappeared. I was now in some kind of forest or at least it looked like it with all of these ranges of trees… Dead trees completely white from their roots to their branches.

I was walking in the path in front of me and then I saw it or should I say them… Fragments of my memories, fragments of my life taking the shape of the BSAA NAB main building, my apartment in the city, a huge, modern and tall church with a cemetery next to it…

What was waiting for me was no other but my own heart showing me fragments of everything I went through and all the people I’ve met so far…  
Going through each of them hurt me so bad…  
Will I be able to cross this huge labyrinth of mine alone? Will someone help me getting out of here?

Piers’ POV – BSAA NAB’s Meeting Room: 

Upon the last discussion we had with Jason, it had been decided to leave Chris in his room while the other BSAA’ scientists would prepare the Palace System.  
Jason had talked to us about the huge risks of this system. Not that his main objective was to scare us but it was a way for him to warn us about eventual consequences should things go wrong during our dive inside Chris’s heart.

Diving inside my captain’s heart… Never did I think about such a thing during my whole time as a soldier here at the BSAA NAB.  
This is one proof among so many other of the progress that can be reached when mankind decide of working together instead of destroying and killing each other…

About that system… Jason told us yesterday that he would meet us in the meeting room in order to give us more details about it. When he gave us already some details about it, especially that part about having some kind of “Palace” in our hearts when our emotions, memories and even wishes get distorted, I couldn’t help but feeling quite intrigued, interested by this presentation.

Intrigued and interested because I was wondering what would Chris’ Palace look like...

And so, the time had arrived. Everyone was gathered in the meeting room thanks to some phone calls. By “Everyone”, I meant a huge table on which was resting a computer and a screen on the wall in order to display the project and all around the table, we had people who came in order to learn about it and to save Chris.

Sheva, Josh, Jill, Claire, Moira, Barry, Sherry, Leon and even Jake were there around the table and the only person we were waiting before beginning the meeting were Jason and Rebecca.  
After I had waken up from my slumber, after I’ve been told the current situation, I was the one who prompted this idea of meeting everyone who would lend a hand for Chris’ sake and when we went through the phone calling step, I was with Claire when she called Sherry.

After a long time filled with smiles and laughs for the both of them on each side of the phone, judging Sherry’s tone I could only guess that she was happy beyond belief to receive news from the one person she considers as her “adoptive mama”, I was finally able to hear Jake’s voice.

My blood boiled instantly though it was only for a short moment. I was expecting to bicker with him even though I had to thanks him for his blood. But that wasn’t the case at all…  
It was completely weird to talk to him because during our all conversation, he had shown himself as a totally different man. He had been nice, caring and had shown a real concern toward Chris’ actual situation.

Yes, you’ve heard me correctly, Jake Muller has shown himself to be someone capable of being nice and caring. Never, have I thought that this moment would happen…  
It was Jake himself who somehow “convince” Sherry, Claire and myself of his desire to help Chris just by saying that he wanted to come in order to see him, that he wanted to come because he also wanted to see me and, though the two of them do share a painful past because of their relation to Albert Wesker, he wanted to thanks Chris and myself for standing with them when that huge cocoon cracked, he wanted to thanks the both of us for having chosen to become the distraction, the duo who would end that fiend.

When the both of them arrived on the base, it had been a cheerful exchange of hugs and kiss for the two girls while for Jake and myself, it had been some kind of weird handshake but which ended with a warm hug from Jake, something that I would have never dreamt of…

It was weird but it definitely felt great. As I reciprocated his gesture, quite awkwardly, I was able to see a huge smile on Claire and Sherry’s faces.  
After that sweet moment, the four of us went back inside the main building and during our walk, in order to reach the meeting room, Jake and Sherry updated me about my own situation.  
They told me that once Claire had found me in the beach’ shores near Langshang and brought me back to the BSAA NAB’s ICU, she called Sherry who put Jake on the phone and after a short discussion between these two, they had convene to meet up at the BSAA Headquarters so that a small amount of Jake’s blood could be taken in order to stabilize the virus inside of me. The rest is history since everything they know is also know by me.

I was like Sherry, able to heal myself extremely quick unless I’m undergoing a strong trauma and that would be the only condition during which I can die because the virus wouldn’t be able to protect me.

I was somehow like Jake because with this virus inside of me, acting as some kind of enhancement, I was now protected against any kind of viral infection.  
And the enhancement went very far since I could create a single mind with the virus, like two entities fusing together, able to bring the best of the two of us starting with my ability to produce and control electricity and all my senses are more sharpened than ever.

When we arrived in the meeting room, Jason and Rebecca were already here with everyone else and the computer with the display on the wall had been installed and ready to be used… Guess we had taken our precious time and so we were the last persons to arrive which in itself is quite ironic considering that Claire and myself were originally the first one here.  
Nonetheless, no one had taken our “long” absence badly and after saying that we were sorry for our lateness, we began the meeting.

This meeting had two parts. The first one was about the origins of the Palace system and everyone around the table listened carefully every single word coming out from Jason’s mouth. He talked to us about its creation after a study was published about the inner problems within every human and also the very fact that dealing with these “inner problems” can definitely change a person.

That final sentence of him had everyone’s attention on him more than when he began because it was with this sentence that he introduced the use of this system and the risks of a wrong use of it. That was the second part of this meeting…

Supposedly, we can dive inside one’s heart thanks to that system and the main objective will be to find the “treasure” kept in the depths of this one’s heart. To take this treasure means to provoke a change of heart in this person. So, we had our solution here, we had to dive inside Chris’ heart and take his treasure. But what was Chris’ treasure? What shape will it takes?  
I was thinking about these questions when reality had been brought to me drastically after that Jason had started to talk about the risk of this system. For some reasons, the cognitive being known as “shadow” living inside one’s heart mustn’t be killed for if it does, the real self will go through a mental shutdown and physically speaking, a heart attack. Should that happen to Chris, I wouldn’t be able to live afterwards.

A new objective was mine: Reach the depths of Chris’ heart to find his treasure while making sure that no harm would be done to his shadow.  
Furthermore, we had to be very careful while diving inside his heart, for the people, who would dive inside his heart, would leave their bodies behind them and should their minds die inside Chris’ heart, they wouldn’t be able to return to their body and so they would simply die.

That meeting ended with Jason telling us that initializing the system in order to use it on Chris’ heart would take at least a week. We had a week to prepare ourselves physically and especially mentally. I had to wait patiently again a week before diving inside the heart of my man and doing everything it takes to bring hi back to us, to me.

The operation called “Save Bearfield” would take place in one week from this day. I had one week in front of me to do everything it takes to make sure that I would be ready facing everything that would be waiting for me inside Chris' heart. Wait for me Chris, I'm coming.


End file.
